Clingy.

I noticed that I would always say that my world was very small. "It's not like I meet new people on a regular basis," is something I find myself saying frequently. And it's true that I get annoyed by that fact because I generally like people, and new friends are always welcome. But the truth is, I like that my world is small. Most days.

I like the fact that I only have two sets of friends. I like that I know exactly who the people in my life are and what to expect or not. I like that I grew up with them in more ways than one. I like that I don't have to split my time with too many people, I just split it with those two. Obviously, I am very much invested in them. You don't spend your time growing up with them and just push it aside. Too much history. Sure, there'll be off days and distance and life all that stuff, but you can look at it however you wish, you're still stuck with them. This is it. For better or worse. Stuck in a good way. Most of the time, anyway.

I write this now because I don't have anything else to do, and when that happens I get sucked into these stupid girl feelings which are the worst ever. I write this now because separation anxiety is kicking in and it's never good when it does. I write this now because I care. Not that they don't care, I'm sure they do too, it's just that I care... a lot. Like, a lot a lot. I care the most. Maybe. Yeah, probably. Whatever. I won't apologize for it because I tried doing that, and it didn't help at all. It took me years, but I've accepted that I am hardwired this way and there is nothing I can do about it. I'll always be that person. I'll always try hard not to look like it, and I might even lie about it, but I'll always care. I'll always be the one wondering about how everyone is doing and if they're doing okay. I probably won't always be the one to ask if they're okay, so sometimes I wait for them to come talk to me. Sometimes. And I don't ask just 'cause. I ask because I'm curious and I care, okay? I really do.

I write this now because I miss people. I'll always be the one to miss everyone. Sometimes I feel like it's my job. It's a secret (not so secret now) job that I love and hate just because I always end up back here. It's become a little too familiar now. And for some reason, these days it's a bit taboo to just say "I miss you" to someone without sounding so clingy and ridiculous. It seems ridiculous because, duh, there's Twitter now and Facebook and Instagram and all these social networks that are supposed to let you know what they're doing with their lives. That's nice that you had that for lunch and all, but I still miss you. It's nice that you wore that outfit today, but I still miss you. It's nice that you're bored in class right now, but I still miss you. 

Gahh, I hate it. I hate being that person, but alas, here we are. Clingy.

I write this now because I am the worst over thinker in the world. All those things I just said are probably so ridiculous because obviously, these people have lives to live! They don't care about this stuff. They don't have time to think about it. I, on the other hand, do. I have lots of it. Time and I haven't been the best of friends. I always over think everything and it gets exhausting sometimes. I constantly have to remind myself that all of this should just be simple, and yet I always find myself back here. Sometimes I don't mind because I've gotten used to it, but nights like tonight suck.

Stupid girl feelings.