The Story Of Us.

I like being the steady friend who takes care of the things that need to be taken cared of whenever we have “grown up” gatherings (aka when things need to be planned out). I am always that girl, and I love being that for them. It makes me feel important. 

I like being the steady friend that they can go to when they just want to chill out and talk. I think everyone needs one in their set of friends, or at least one in their lives. Everyone needs some kind of solid foundation. I’m not saying that I’m the super innocent “never did anything bad” friend, it’s just that my friends are super out there that I look so boring compared to them, but I don’t mind. I let them do their thing, and I will just be watching on the sidelines and wait for them to live out the phase and I cannot wait til they get tired of going out every week and just settle down a bit. I will be patiently waiting because I’m Aia and I will always believe that everything will fall into place at the right time when it’s supposed to. But for right now, this is us and it is just as it should be.

We will continue to grow up and old together. I know this now. This might be as naive as it gets, but as time goes by, I become more sure of us. I was sure that around this time, I would completely lose touch with them, but the latter part of this year has been so great and I think it was important that it happened. The distance that happens in between is inevitable and necessary. And even though we will be seeing less of each other as time goes by, we will always have these moments that will bring us back to what brought us together in the first place. This is what I have with them and I will always keep it in my heart. And even though it seems that I’m the only one who feels this way about us, I don’t mind because I know they do too, just in their own way. We will never talk about this, and that's okay. I choose to write about it and they choose to live it. This is what makes us us and I love it.

I know I always say that I miss them more than they miss me, and that’s still true, but I choose not to mind. I refuse to miss them less just because they don’t miss me. I love us and I always will. I will always be writing about us. I think I’ve written about us more than I wanted to and it always says the same things, just in a different era of our lives. Well, my life, to be exact. I’ve written about us when I was depressed, when I was happy, and when I was with them living in the moment, just being there and participating. I have written about us when I missed them dearly and briefly regretted it after because I know that it was just me being sad and left out. But as we get older, I’ve learned to understand that no one will ever be the perfect friend/s. I have come to realize that they also have a life that they live that doesn’t involve you at all. They may and will forget you sometimes (most of the time), but they won’t forget about you when it counts. You won’t always be there during the nights when they said that it was the “best,” but the great thing about us is that there will always be another “best” night to come. This happens often since we’re such a big group, but this time around, I don’t mind.

I will love us always. I will always choose to love the distance when we’re apart and I will continue to love us when we’re together again. I will always be overdramatic about this. I refuse to feel less. I will always write about us and the moments that we felt horrible and infinite at the same time waiting for the sun to come up.

This will be the story of our lives and it’s still happening. Things will change and people will too, just like they should. Because what kind of story would that be if nothing changed at all?

Dear You,

I'm pretty sure I'll always ask myself why we're friends. Or how we even became friends. I don't even remember the exact moment this happened, but it did. To this day I really don't know how we ended up here, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

You might not be the friend who I hang out with every weekend, and you're definitely not my "let's get lost in a bookstore" friend. You might not be the friend I call or text when little things happen and you're not the friend I talk to on a regular basis, but at the end of the day it doesn't really matter. You will always be the friend I can talk to after 5 years of not seeing each other and it's not going to be awkward in any way. I really believe that. And I think it works that way because we're so different yet we're the same. We live very different lives, and apart from the obvious, we have very different friends that will not survive in the same room together, yet somehow, we do.

I like that we balance each other out. I like that we will never run out of stories to tell because you're you and I'm me. I'll always be the friend you hang out with if you wanna have a chill night. "Coffee conversations" or whatever. And you're the one I always wanna catch up with because I never know what you're up to. I just realized that through the years, you taught me how to be less judgemental and very judgemental at the same time. I know that doesn't make a lot of sense, but it does. Think about it for a second.

Off topic, I just rummaged through my "box" and read some of our letters and they are still funny. Whatever happens, I know that we're going to be the same because once upon a time it was us against the world, and they were definitely some of the greatest moments, some of my favorites, and I will treasure them forever.

I love you always,

Aia

Clingy.

I noticed that I would always say that my world was very small. "It's not like I meet new people on a regular basis," is something I find myself saying frequently. And it's true that I get annoyed by that fact because I generally like people, and new friends are always welcome. But the truth is, I like that my world is small. Most days.

I like the fact that I only have two sets of friends. I like that I know exactly who the people in my life are and what to expect or not. I like that I grew up with them in more ways than one. I like that I don't have to split my time with too many people, I just split it with those two. Obviously, I am very much invested in them. You don't spend your time growing up with them and just push it aside. Too much history. Sure, there'll be off days and distance and life all that stuff, but you can look at it however you wish, you're still stuck with them. This is it. For better or worse. Stuck in a good way. Most of the time, anyway.

I write this now because I don't have anything else to do, and when that happens I get sucked into these stupid girl feelings which are the worst ever. I write this now because separation anxiety is kicking in and it's never good when it does. I write this now because I care. Not that they don't care, I'm sure they do too, it's just that I care... a lot. Like, a lot a lot. I care the most. Maybe. Yeah, probably. Whatever. I won't apologize for it because I tried doing that, and it didn't help at all. It took me years, but I've accepted that I am hardwired this way and there is nothing I can do about it. I'll always be that person. I'll always try hard not to look like it, and I might even lie about it, but I'll always care. I'll always be the one wondering about how everyone is doing and if they're doing okay. I probably won't always be the one to ask if they're okay, so sometimes I wait for them to come talk to me. Sometimes. And I don't ask just 'cause. I ask because I'm curious and I care, okay? I really do.

I write this now because I miss people. I'll always be the one to miss everyone. Sometimes I feel like it's my job. It's a secret (not so secret now) job that I love and hate just because I always end up back here. It's become a little too familiar now. And for some reason, these days it's a bit taboo to just say "I miss you" to someone without sounding so clingy and ridiculous. It seems ridiculous because, duh, there's Twitter now and Facebook and Instagram and all these social networks that are supposed to let you know what they're doing with their lives. That's nice that you had that for lunch and all, but I still miss you. It's nice that you wore that outfit today, but I still miss you. It's nice that you're bored in class right now, but I still miss you. 

Gahh, I hate it. I hate being that person, but alas, here we are. Clingy.

I write this now because I am the worst over thinker in the world. All those things I just said are probably so ridiculous because obviously, these people have lives to live! They don't care about this stuff. They don't have time to think about it. I, on the other hand, do. I have lots of it. Time and I haven't been the best of friends. I always over think everything and it gets exhausting sometimes. I constantly have to remind myself that all of this should just be simple, and yet I always find myself back here. Sometimes I don't mind because I've gotten used to it, but nights like tonight suck.

Stupid girl feelings.

Blogging and Facebook Couples

So, this new blog has been pretty good for me so far. I guess I should've figured out earlier that blogging this way (with actually paragraphs and updates) on Tumblr would never work. That's where I put my crazy fangirl self, and this is where I'm going to blog. Like, forealz. I'll probably try and post my old blog entries from Tumblr some other time, but that can wait. I guess I rule out Tumblr as a blog because for me it's more of a scrapbook, I guess? But that's just me. I reblog everything! Plus since Twitter, it's like, you basically update that anyway so people know what you've been doing or whatever. Am I right?

Anyway, the last blog I truly remember keeping up for quite some time was when I was on Xanga. Man, Xanga was the bomb. All those quotes and icons and stuff? The best. Sometimes I wish I didn't delete my Xanga accounts just so I can laugh so hard at myself for being the 12-13 girl that I dislike on Tumblr.  I just LOL. (that sentence was annoying) I barely remember what I wrote there because I think my posts were basically 3 paragraph tweets. Seriously. I would explain everything I did that day, one by one, which is so annoying because I would blog as if people cared what kind of pizza my friends and I ate on a hot summer day or whatever. Not that people care now or anything, but you know, it was pretty bad.

Speaking of blogging, a friend of mine told me that he probably would think about it before dating a blogger because she might blog about their entire relationship for everyone to see. And I'm like, "Okay, yeah. That makes sense." But I don't know. Is it that any different from those annoying updates couples post/share or whatever on Facebook? Like those, "Dude, we get it. You guys are fighting." or "Y'all should just text or IM or talk on the phone, okay? We don't need to know that cheesy baby talk thing you guys apparently do!" Don't get me wrong, some couples do this dance very well, so it's not annoying. Those types of couples get more if a, "WELP. THAT SHIT WAS CUTE. #foreveralone," reaction which is the good kind of annoying. Maybe. I'll get back to you on that.

There's probably a Date a Girl Who Blogs article out there somewhere, but I'm too tired to Google it. You guys can just update me if one actually exists. I actually don't know why we like to blog about our lives. People with very interesting lives, sure, but not-so-interesting people like me? I don't know. I guess we just have a lot of feelings and having journals aren't enough. Meh. But whatever, I'm still going to write about things that matter to me, or don't. I mean, obviously it matters to me because I wouldn't blog about it if it didn't. Actually, it can go both ways. If something is really, really important to me, I either blog about it 'til the ends of the internet or not blog about it at all because I want to keep it for myself. Which I admit, I'm not very good at. I've always been one of those people who always need to say what they feel because if I don't, I would really lose it. That's done me good and bad. C'est la vie.